To love versus the idea of love.

We are all searching for love and somewhere along the way we find ourselves in relationships and we say we are in love. We feel good in the  beginning but as time passes by, we find ourselves start complaining about the other person as they no longer fit us. It start with simple arguments like you are so selfish, you do not even think about me.

From there it goes down a spiral of daily complaints and no matter what the other person may be doing, there is always some faults to be found and some blame. What we will fail to realize is perhaps we are the one at fault. Accepting to be wrong is a great deal for us humans as we like to think of ourselves as flawless. Yes we are in a way flawless but when it comes to love, it is much more than flaws.

Before getting involved with someone we already have expectations on how we want that other one to be. At first, it is very easy to fit those shoes of our imaginations but as time goes by, those shoes will become bigger for them to fit in and it will be either too tight or too loose. No one wants to wear uncomfortable shoes by the way.

So what we do we say that this person has changed and that is why things are not working.Truth is the person hasn’t changed at all, they have always been the same but simply it was easier to try to fit in at first. The killer is nothing but those expectations of ours which leave no room for acceptance or understanding, nor room for growth. In these tight spaces with specific guidelines and requirements we fell in love with the idea in our mind rather than with the person in front of us.

This is the buzz killer of most relationships nowadays, we run into love as we are going shopping for objects and we forget that love is feeling and the subject is living and that there are traits to their own character and persona.

They key here is to give room to breathe, to let time pass, to let us get to know each other , to not have expectations and then to decide if we can call it love or not.

Do not fall in love but rather lean into it and embrace the person and his or her personality with all his or her traits then decide whether it is worth it or not. That way we have a better change at loving.